John Reese (
primary_asset) wrote2017-11-23 02:21 pm
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Anyone who knows him wouldn't be surprised to hear John admit he's been at a bit of a loss since Finch's disappearance from Darrow. He's getting along well enough, he hasn't let himself slip into the sort of drinking he'd done after Jessica's death and although there are certainly times when he feels old thoughts slinking back toward him, he's been able to keep them mostly at bay. Work is a good distraction, which is funny, given that John Riley had only ever been intended as a cover for a short period of time while they Samaritan was hunting them.
But John Riley is a good detective. And John Riley is a generally well liked man, both at the precinct and otherwise, and although there are people who know who he really is, there are days when he feels more like John Riley than anyone else.
It's a little dangerous, this complacency. John isn't opposed to happiness, he thinks he's done both Finch and Carter proud with the people he's let into his life -- Karen in particular -- but he also knows this isn't the reason Finch rescued him from himself. While he had wanted John to let people into his life and while he had encouraged him to find happiness with Karen, the life he's living now isn't the mission. It's not even close.
Their team barely functions these days. They haven't all been together in the warehouse in some weeks and John is only here now because he's trying to figure out what to do. Where to go from here. The computers sit silent and blank and he hasn't the slightest idea where to begin with them, but he's been thinking about Peggy, about asking her if she knows anyone who would be good with the computers. Someone she might trust enough to bring into the team.
It's funny that he's thinking of her in that moment, because the lock on the door behind him beeps and then slides open and he turns with a small, amused smile to find her standing here.
"You have good timing," he says simply.
But John Riley is a good detective. And John Riley is a generally well liked man, both at the precinct and otherwise, and although there are people who know who he really is, there are days when he feels more like John Riley than anyone else.
It's a little dangerous, this complacency. John isn't opposed to happiness, he thinks he's done both Finch and Carter proud with the people he's let into his life -- Karen in particular -- but he also knows this isn't the reason Finch rescued him from himself. While he had wanted John to let people into his life and while he had encouraged him to find happiness with Karen, the life he's living now isn't the mission. It's not even close.
Their team barely functions these days. They haven't all been together in the warehouse in some weeks and John is only here now because he's trying to figure out what to do. Where to go from here. The computers sit silent and blank and he hasn't the slightest idea where to begin with them, but he's been thinking about Peggy, about asking her if she knows anyone who would be good with the computers. Someone she might trust enough to bring into the team.
It's funny that he's thinking of her in that moment, because the lock on the door behind him beeps and then slides open and he turns with a small, amused smile to find her standing here.
"You have good timing," he says simply.
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Arms crossed over her chest, she regards him with a wary look, not entirely sure why her timing is so laudable, but it's better than the opposite. "That's good, I suppose," she notes, heading inside and trying not to feel like the emptiness of the warehouse is taunting her, as if it's just another reason that she's not fulfilling her purpose.
Wherever Michael's spirit is, she thinks he must be laughing at her, now.
"I see you haven't gone and expanded our ranks when I wasn't looking," is her wry remark, glancing to all the empty space around them.
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John was just his loaded gun.
"I was thinking about you," he explains instead of focusing on his lack of initiative. "Wondering if you might know anyone who would be as good with computers as Harold could be." Pausing, he reconsiders that before continuing. "Someone who might be half as good would do. I know Harold was exceptional."
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"I'm not sure where his skills lie with computers, more so that he's just a genius in general," she says. "I'm afraid that most of my acquaintances, I've felt more comfortable with people from my own era. Have you asked Dutch or Karen yet?"
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That feels like an understatement, but he doesn't know all the details of her friend who has arrived in Darrow and even if he did, he wouldn't share them with anyone. It's Karen's story to tell and there are few people he respects and cares for as much as he does her, so he'll never break the trust she's put in him. Not for anything.
"Dutch might have a better idea," he admits. "Her world has technology I've never even seen before, but even if she knows someone, that doesn't fill the biggest hole Harold left behind."
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They haven't gone through the things that she had with his father, and even then, that clearly hadn't worked. "I suppose it is clever to search for someone from the future." She gives John a more pointed look, now evaluating him. "Now, I believe that it would be in your best interest to come walk with me, get away from all this for a while."
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"Isn't that part of the problem?" he asks. "A lack of leadership."
But that was Finch's job and John doesn't imagine there's anyone he would honestly trust to take Finch's place. In New York, he would have followed Carter, he might have even followed Root, but in Darrow he's not sure anyone can fill that role. There's no denying he loves Karen and she has far more initiative than he does, but he's not sure even she would know what to do in Finch's place.
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She has no solution, but perhaps they're having the wrong discussion.
Slowly beginning to walk with no purpose or direction, she waits a few moments to speak. "Have you considered that what the team looked like before isn't necessarily what it ought to look like?"
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With a nod, he considers what she's saying. It's something he's thought about already, that maybe their team doesn't need someone to replace Finch, as if there was any hope anyone ever could, but he also doesn't function well without a leader. John knows this about himself and he isn't ashamed of it.
"I've considered that," he says, then flashes a faint smile. "But I've also considered myself. I do better with someone telling me what to do."
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She's not entirely sure that she's in a position where she knows how to lead either, but maybe the point of this is to make them better. "I was eighteen, just a few days back," she admits, "Young and inexperienced and meek, without purpose. Back then, I needed someone to force me into a position where I learned."
"Have you considered, maybe this is also that sign?"
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The rest, though, gives him pause, too. He's not sure where to begin. It makes him tense, a little, to think of someone considering Finch's disappearance a sign. He can't imagine what it might mean to have lost his best friend and the man who saved his life, what life lessons he should be learning from that. There's no shame in knowing what he is and how he best performs and he can't imagine taking anything away from having lost Finch that he doesn't already know about himself.
"You were eighteen," he echoes instead of focusing on that. "How?"
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"There's something about this place, apparently it can do that. Well, that or turn you the other sex. Daniel and I myself both were in our teens, but he remembered everything that happened here while I didn't." She's stopped looking for logic or reason, has determined that it's something so insidious and small that she'll never be able to figure it out.
"Perhaps it's experimentation or simply something we came into contact with? It went away on its own, though I didn't know enough to think anything needed to be fixed."
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Even now, years later, that tendency manifests itself in the way he puts himself in the line of fire without a second of thought.
"There's already so much of this place to think about," he says. "And now I have to consider that I might wake up as a teenager." He smiles faintly. "I wasn't a nice teenager."
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"Do you want to stop and get coffee? Or is today a day for something stronger?" With all topics of work aside, Peggy has other things to ask as they walk. "How are you doing? Not just with the job or purpose, but losing a friend is never easy. How are you coping?"
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So he tries.
"I'm all right," he says. "Harold isn't the first person I lost and he isn't the most difficult either. That loss... that's the one he saved me from, though. It'd be a slap in the face of our friendship to let myself fall back down into what he brought me out of it, so I'm fine. Truly."
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Glancing around, she sights a coffee shop down the way and angles their walk towards it, though it will be a few blocks from memory. "I don't presume to think that I can save you from anything," she says. "At the same time, I do hope you know that I'm more than willing to lend you an ear when you need one. We might not be close, but I'd like to think we are friends."
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"I've never been much of a talker," he admits. "Which I'm sure isn't much of a surprise, but there was a detective I worked with in New York. Joss Carter. She... she wanted me to learn how to ask for help and I know I'm still not very good at it, but I'm doing better."
He smiles again and says, "That's why I asked you about the team."
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"What about with people on the job?" she asks, as she opens the door to the coffee shop and gestures for John to go inside first. "I know it's doubtful you can share everything with them, but what about the basics? Do they know you're seeing someone? Do they even know anything about your life?"
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"I have an excellent case record, most of my assignments end up being closed one way or another," he says. "I get along with people, I make small talk. They know I have a girlfriend and a dog."
If his coworkers need to know more than that, they're going to be disappointed. For John, that's already a great deal of information.
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"I still haven't found myself a work that I can truly feel right about," she admits, which is difficult to say. "Policework was part of my job before, but I don't think I would be comfortable here with that." It would be like taking a step back, though she doesn't say that aloud.
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And it's not like he has any interest in going back to an organization like the CIA. They had been some truly terrible people, they'd kept him from Jessica, they'd tried to kill him more than once and they'd turned Kara into a monster. If John can stay away from that for the rest of his life, he'll be content.
"And it's worked here," he says. "I hear things I might not otherwise."
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Codebreaking might not be a necessity all the time, but why not offer her skills to some degree? After all, she's sure there are enough people interested that a class wouldn't go amiss, would it?
"Unless you've heard something that might give me a purpose, that is," she can't help but tease.
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"You don't feel like you ought to be the one taking the lead for us now?" he asks, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. "You seem more cut out for it than any of the rest of us."
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When John asks what he does, she gives him a wary look. "I won't disgard that as never happening, but from what I hear, that person is a future me. Someone who has an agency down the line. As it stands, I don't have experience in running missions for other people. I know how to complete them on my own and I'm quite good at that," she admits. "I don't really know how to direct a team just yet."
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John can take on his own jobs and he's done so with Karen already, but for the most part, he doesn't know how to handle an entire team. He doesn't know how to assign, how to delegate. When it comes to the hard work, he wants to do it all himself, he takes it one because he thinks it's required of him, something he owes the world.
He doesn't trust anyone else enough to bring them in, though. Their team is small and without a leader, but he can't imagine trying to find someone else to take Finch's place.
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At some point, she knows that she'll be Peggy Carter, director, but there's a lot to learn before then, she feels. Not to mention, she didn't do it alone. She had Howard and the Colonel, and here, she has resources as well. "If you're wanting to give up some control, I'd be happy to help, but I don't want to take over completely."
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But if it's not something Peggy wants, then that's the answer he has to accept. At this rate, he might also have to accept that there no longer is a team. Without the Machine, at least they had Finch, but without Finch, all they really have is a group of people who want to help, but are, essentially, without any kind of direction.
"Maybe it's best to give up the warehouse," he says. "Accept it for what it is. It doesn't mean we can't still work together, but..." He trails off and shrugs. He's sure they'll still find things to do and if there's something he thinks Peggy can help with, he'll call her and assume the same will be done in return.
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"If you are still looking for something, perhaps you can come by for dinner and drinks with Daniel and I," she suggests, sipping at her tea. "We could discuss Hydra, our next steps, see if that's something you're interested in helping fight against?"
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"That'd be nice," he says with a smile. "I'd like that. I have my work, too, it's just... being a detective was only ever meant to be a cover."
And now it's all he is. Most of the time he's not sure what to do with that.
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"You should come around for tea or dinner anyway," she decides, because if Finch is gone, then he'll need more company anyhow. "Daniel and I would love to entertain yourself and Karen. Call it a double date if that's more amenable."
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She's better with people than he is anyway, kinder and much more open in her way. The secrets she keeps -- and she keeps plenty, John had noticed that a long time ago -- she does with such poise it never really seems to matter to anyone. Karen would have made an incredible agent and all he can do is be thankful that's not the sort of life that ever really found her.
"And the more people who are better conversationalists than I am, the better for everyone involved."
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"Maybe once we put our heads together, we'll think of something," she adds, still willing to be optimistic.